Let us continue our look at a variety of wedding customs and traditions passed down from one generation to another.

Throwing Rice

Rice is a symbol of fertility. In years gone by, a newly married couple had grain, rice or nuts tossed on them as they left their wedding reception. Showering the couple with rich was meant as a way to shower them with blessing for a happy marriage and lots of children. In Asia the throwing of rice symbolized a “full pantry”.

Today the throwing of rice is meant for the blessings of prosperity, happiness and long life. Although traditionally rice was thrown, today it is often not.

Wedding Party

It was the belief of the ancient Romans that jealous demons meant to do harm to the soon-to-be-married couple. The wedding party, consisting of groomsmen and bridesmaids, was created in order to protect the couple. All of the members of the wedding party dressed in a manner similar to the bride and groom in order to confuse the demons. The demons, therefore, were unable to figure out which two people were getting married.

Tossing of the Garter

The garter toss of today comes from an old British ritual that was known as “flinging the stocking”. After a couple got married, the guests would make their way into the couple’s bedroom and take a stocking. The guest would then throw the stocking. The first guest that was able to hit the bride or the groom on the nose with the stocking was believed to be the next person who would get married.

Honeymoon

In years gone by, brides were captured by their grooms and then held hostage until their families made the decision to end the search. A close friend of the groom (which is how the tradition of the best man began) was given the job of keeping the bride’s family at bay in order for the couple to make their escape. The word “honeymoon” refers to the time that follows the capture. The newlyweds would hide for a period of 30 days (which equaled one full moon) and drink something called mead. Mead was a drink that was made from fermented honey and water. It is still used in many areas to toast newlyweds in modern society.

Threshold

The Romans carried their brides over the threshold in order that the demons would be unable to trip her and ruin her special day.

Ever wonder where some of our wedding traditions came from? Why something old, something new? Why throw the wedding bouquet? Why wear a veil? Let us take a look at some of the customs that have been passed down through the generations.

This tradition has its roots in a Victorian rhyme which went like this, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver six piece in her shoe.” The custom for a bride to carry or wear something old is a way for her family and her past to be acknowledged, while the new symbolizes the start of something that is fresh and just beginning to blossom.

There is an old English rhyme that is also believed to be connected to this tradition. This is how it goes:

“Something old and borrowed represents past traditions.

Something new will bring you luck in the future.

Something blue is a symbol of fertility and modesty.”

Wedding dresses are white because they represent innocence and purity. White is also the color that stands for celebration.

Today most wedding veils are made of lightweight tulle, but back in history they were made from a heavier cloth. The veil covered the bride’s face so no one could identify her until she stood before her husband-to-be. If any other man loved the bride, he would not be able to kidnap her on her wedding day thanks to her being concealed beneath her veil.

Weddings always have had tremendous significance, and they were believed to be one of the luckiest days for a bride and groom because they were entering a more profitable and more socially acceptable period of their lives. Brides in particular were considered to be very lucky on their wedding day.

Back in history, the guests at a wedding would attack the new bride and tear pieces of her clothing and veil as she and her new groom left the ceremony. Some guests grabbed for her flowers. They did this because it was believed that her good luck and fortune from her happy circumstances would be transferred to them through her clothing. This gave rise to the tossing of the bouquet, as the bride would do it as a form of self defense. If she gave up her flowers, then there was less of a chance that her dress would be torn.

Decorating your wedding reception when money is in short supply does not have to be a problem if you put to use some very simple suggestions.

Greenery

You can never have too much greenery at your reception. Decorate the reception area with swags of greenery with a few fresh flowers mixed in and/or some tiny white lights. Another excellent way to give greenery some glam is to mix it with tulle.

Tulle

Speaking of tulle, this item is inexpensive, comes in a variety of shades and can be used in a variety of manners at a wedding reception. Tulle is romantic no matter how it is displayed. Drape tulle along staircases, across doorways or archways, along balconies and fireplaces. Create tulle bows and tie them around table legs and chairs.

Lighting

Lighting lends itself to setting a particular mood, so bear this in mind when you decide upon the proper lighting for your wedding reception. Think intimate, think romance and think love and joy. Take small white lights and place them within swags of greenery. They can look fantastic practically anywhere you place them. In particular, they look great alongside a staircase or above a door. You also can take white lights and wrap them around small trees and bushes in a Christmas tree type of fashion.

Flower Arrangements

It is not necessary to hire a floral expert to make flower arrangements for your reception. You can make your own centerpieces for tables with a collection of different kinds of fresh cut flowers. You can buy elegant, inexpensive vases to grace the center of each table. One or two flowers can easily stand alone in vases and look beautiful. Flowers to use include lilacs, lilies, roses, tulips, carnations and daffodils.

Floral Centerpiece

The centerpiece you have for the head table does not have to be huge and it does not have to include just flowers. Design a centerpiece that is small, elegant and inviting. Some suggestions for items you could use to make it look as beautiful and eye-catching include mirror plates, ribbons and candles. Make sure you are careful using candles, however. You do not want the centerpiece to go up in flames at your reception!

When it comes to deciding upon the wedding favors that are most appropriate for your wedding, bear in mind both the mood of your wedding as well as the style. Are you having a formal wedding or will it be more casual and relaxed? Is there a theme to your wedding or not?

A theme can be an excellent starting point for your favors. If it is a beach theme, then wedding favors that celebrate that theme would be fitting, such as a small token of appreciation wrapped inside of a small seashell. Let your surroundings and the ambiance of the setting for your wedding determine what type of wedding favors would be best for your guests.

The average couple spends two to three percent of their wedding budget on wedding favors. It is important to know what type of budget you have to work with and from there come up with an approximation of how many guests will be attending the reception. Once you know these things you can then figure out how much money you can afford to spend on wedding favors.

Another important consideration is the colors for your wedding. A color scheme is an important aspect of most weddings. If your color scheme is pink, you might choose to decorate your reception in a variety of shades of pink, everything from light pink to darker shades of pink. You can use the color pink for your flowers and for your decorations and to beautify the tables at your reception as well as the entryway. Even the bathrooms can get a boost from the color pink. On the other hand you might decide to stick with only one shade of pink if you are a more traditional and classic type of couple.

The options for wedding favors are many. Explore your options. It is always nice to personalize each wedding favor with a tag that gives the name of the couple and the date of the wedding. Some suggestions for wedding favor themes include home décor, nautical, western, holiday, bath and body, food and garden.

The prospect of your wedding is looming, and you couldn’t be happier! It is important to remember that you must adopt a certain type of schedule in order to make sure that everything that needs to get done for the wedding does indeed get done in a timely fashion. Being on time with all of your preparations is essential to the outcome of the upcoming nuptials.

Your wedding invitations should be ordered once you have all of the relevant information about your wedding decided. This includes your guest list, the place and the time for the ceremony. Place your invitation order at least three to four months in advance. This is especially important to do if your invitations will be custom made or handmade. Keep in mind that errors do occur. If you order them far enough in advance, then in the event that the unfortunate happens, corrections can be made.

Bear in mind, as well, that once the invitations have been proofed and then printed you need time to address them and to mail them. Some people also may be using the services of a calligrapher. This time has to be allotted for as well.

It is best to send invitations an average of six to eight weeks prior to the wedding date. This is the ideal situation. You can adjust the schedule accordingly for your unique set of circumstances. If you will be sending invitations to guests who are out of town, then make sure you send them eight weeks in advance. The further away they are, the more time you should give the guests to make the necessary travel arrangements.

As a courtesy, you might want to send invitations to your out of town or out of state guests as early as possible. Send them a “Save the Date” card, and include information regarding flights, accommodations and car rentals.

All of your wedding invitations should be sent from the address where the bride currently resides. This is the case even for the personal friends of the groom who are strangers to the bride.

Should bachelor and bachelorette parties be combined? Some folks feel that these types of pre-marriage parties are meant to be separate, as women need their time to spend with one another and so do men. Other people would argue that bachelor and bachelorette parties can get out of control, and therefore, a combined event is best. What do you think?

The bachelor and bachelorette parties are meant to be about men and women getting together with their friends to bond and have a good time. For most individuals, these parties are enjoyable and completely harmless. They are an opportunity to have some fun, enjoy good food and drinks, reminisce about the past and laugh up a storm.

In historical times, the bachelor party was a very formal black tie affair that was given by the groom’s best friends. In today’s modern society, bachelor parties are rarely formal but can be plenty of fun and boisterous as well. Some bachelor parties include strippers and the like, but the overall purpose is to simply relax and have fun.

A bachelorette party is the female equivalent of a bachelor party. Traditionally the only form of female celebration a woman received before her wedding was a bridal shower, which was very prim and proper as the mother and grandmother were usually in attendance. The bachelorette party provides an opportunity for a bride to go out for an evening with her closest friends and/or sisters and have as good a time as her groom-to-be is having.

Some people choose to have what is known as a stag and doe party, which is a tame version of the bachelor and bachelorette party and is, for all intents and purposes, a combined party that both sexes attend. A stag and doe party (or buck and doe party) is co-ed in nature, but it also has another purpose- to earn money for the upcoming nuptials. In other words a stag and doe party is a pre-wedding party where guests must purchase tickets, and the money is used to help pay for the upcoming wedding.

The decision as to whether the parties for the bride and groom should be separate or combined is a decision only the couple can make for themselves. Some couples even opt to do both on separate occasions! Whatever you decide to do, have fun doing it!

When I first heard that my friends Tom and Michele were getting married, I was delighted. Even better, they invited me to provide one of the readings for the wedding.

The only problem was that the wedding was taking place in Nashua, New Hampshire, about 3,000 miles away from my home base. And with two small kids of my own, I had to minimize my time away from home.

Thus, I embarked on my wedding odyssey.

Friday, 9:30 PM Pacific: Leave home to drive to the San Francisco Airport.

Friday, 10:00 PM Pacific: Arrive at long-term parking. Rates have risen again. Now it’s $13.95/day. Crap, last time I flew, it was $8.95. Damned inflation.

Friday, 10:30 PM Pacific: Arrive at the airport, hurry through security, and make it to the gate.

Friday, 11:19 PM Pacific: My flight takes off.

Saturday, 12:00 AM Pacific: I slip on my eyeshade and try to get some sleep. I doze fitfully until 3:30 AM, by which time I’ve entered the Eastern time zone, and dawn is streaming in through the windows.

Saturday, 7:30 AM Eastern: Touch down in the D terminal of Washington Dulles. Immediately set out for my connecting flight, which is scheduled to depart from A terminal. 15 minutes later, including a bus ride, I arrive at the gate to discover that my flight has been moved to…D terminal. Another 15 minutes later, I arrive at the gate.

Saturday, 8:30 AM Eastern: My flight takes off bound for Manchester, New Hampshire.

Saturday, 10:00 AM Eastern: Arrive into Manchester, and call the groom. 10 minutes later, he and his two sons pick me up, and we spend the 10-minute drive to the house discussing the latest developments in unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) technology. Apparently JP and LJ (who are 12 and 7) are big fans of military contractors like Raytheon.

Saturday, 10:20 AM Eastern: Arrive at Tom’s house, and get the grand tour, including a visit to see the famous chickens. Tom’s 18 “girls” have really grown. He proudly tells me that the coop is self-sustaining, and that he only has to clear out the dung once a year. JP and LJ show me their toy room, which contains enough LEGO, radio controlled vehicles, and Nerf weaponry to equip your average elementary school. Clearly I was born too early.

Saturday, 11:30 AM Eastern: We drive over to the wedding site, which is Unum’s, the hottest restaurant in New Hampshire. Owner Steve Williams, a former high-tech CEO, has built a dream team, including an award-winning chef and Jared, the world’s greatest bartender. I later sample a Midori/coconut concoction that confirms his mark of distinction. JP engages me in an earnest conversation where I attempt to convince him that the conflict between the US and Japan in World War II was not inevitable, but rather the result of poor decision-making by the Japanese military brass. Naturally, I point out that the great Admiral Yamamoto warned the high command that Japan would lose a war with the United States, but carried out the attack on Pearl Harbor regardless.

Saturday, 12:00 PM Eastern: The wedding commences, with a ring ceremony, my speech (reprinted at the end of this post), and the Native American blessing that seems to have become de rigeur. I don’t think this is the right time to point out that this ancient Indian blessing was actually written for a Christian Slater movie in the 1990s.

Saturday, 12:30 PM Eastern: Steve and his team serve a magnificent four-course feast. My personal favorite? The spinach and ricotta gnocchi, with mustard cream, Jones ham, smoked honey drizzle, and garlicky breadcrumbs.
(I may be locked in a struggle to the death in my biggest loser competition, but food like this demands to be eaten.)

Saturday, 3:30 PM Eastern: I leave the wedding for Logan airport, hitching a ride, ironically enough, with the newlyweds. Since Tom promised to get me to the airport, the easiest thing to do was to share their limo.

Saturday, 4:30 PM Eastern: Arrive at Logan Airport. Logan is surely one of the world’s worst airports, and driving to the airport brought back all sorts of unpleasant memories (I have probably flown into and out of Logan over 100 times, which is 100 times too many).

Saturday, 4:45 PM Eastern: My god, $1.99 for bottled water? Airport merchants should just write checks directly to the TSA.

Saturday, 5:00 PM Eastern: After 15 minutes of searching, I finally spot a water fountain. I wonder how long it will be before they rip that out too.

Saturday, 5:30 PM Eastern: Board plane for flight to San Francisco.

Saturday, 6:00 PM Eastern: Find out that the plane’s engine has a *hole* in it and that there are no other flights to San Francisco on any other airlines.

Saturday, 6:30 PM Eastern: Find out that the airline has been able to secure another plane, so we’ll be able to depart (hopefully) at 8:30, 2.5 hours late.

Sunday, 12:30 AM Pacific: Arrive back in San Francisco.

Total travel time: 26.5 hours from departure to return.

Time in the air: 13.5 hours.

Time spent in airports or limos: 7.5 hours

Time at the wedding: 4 hours.

It might seem like madness to travel 7,000 miles in 25 hours to spend 3.5 hours at a wedding, but such are the bonds of friendship!

Appendix A: The Wedding Speech

About 90 minutes south of here, Professor Tal Ben-Shahar of Harvard teaches a course on happiness that, in a few short years, has grown into the most popular class at the university. He writes, “For a human being, the ultimate currency is not money, nor is it any external measure, such as fame, fortune, or power. The ultimate currency for a human being is happiness.” In other words, all the other things we pursue…money, power, fame…all of these are ultimately simply means to an end.

Our history and way of life are founded on this principle. In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson wrote that the three inalienable rights possessed by all are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Yet even today, in this, the richest and most powerful nation in the world, many of us fail in Jefferson’s quest.

We pursue happiness indirectly and ineffectually, throwing our energies into chasing the means, when if we had the clarity and courage, we could reach out and earn the ultimate currency directly.

Both Tom and Michele have achieved much in their lives.

Tom has been an All-American athlete, politician, has built and sold business since his teen years, and helped build a multi-billion-dollar company.

Michele excelled in school, earned degrees in both criminal justice and education, and as a teacher in her childhood school, taught nine classes, and led both her library and her union.

But worldly success, no matter how great, cannot guarantee happiness.

Yet despite all the achievements and events in their lives, both Tom and Michele felt, in the immortal words of U2, “But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”

The science of positive psychology tells us that there are three things above all others that bring us happiness. The first is finding work that uses your abilities and engages your imagination. The second is being able to feel a sense of personal growth. And the third is finding a life partner with whom you have a close and loving relationship.

Many aren’t lucky enough to find any of these things in their lives. Most aren’t lucky enough to find all of them. And rare indeed is it for two people to find them all in each other.

I’ve known Tom a long time. I’ve worked with Tom and spoken to him on a daily basis for over eight years. It’s been great to see how finding Michele has energized him. He’s found work at which he excels and which he truly loves. He’s grown a tremendous amount in the past year. And he’s found in Michele a wonderful partner. I’ve never seen him happier–even after a good night at the poker table.

While I haven’t known Michele as long, I’ve had the pleasure of working with her this past few months, and I’ve seen how they make a wonderful team. As all of Tom’s friends and family know, the last words you’d ever use to describe him are “careful” and “diplomatic”. Michele balances his zest for life with level-headed responsibility–even when the responsibility for 18 baby chickens are thrust upon her.

We are gathered here today to both commemorate and celebrate their decision to pursue happiness together. May they always be rich in the ultimate currency…though getting some of that green stuff along the way never hurts.

An engagement ring is a symbol of the promise to marry. It is also a symbol of the commitment to join as one in a lifelong relationship as husband and wife. While an engagement ring is not an absolute necessity in order to be married, in our culture it is extremely commonplace.

In western society an engagement ring is offered to a woman when a man proposes marriage to her. If she accepts, the ring is then placed on the second last finger of her left hand. This is her “ring finger”.

The tradition of the engagement ring dates back many years. It once was believed that the fourth finger of the left hand contained the vena amoris (or vein of love) and that this vein connected directly to the heart. This tradition has endured, and that is why today both engagement rings and wedding rings are placed on this most special of fingers. Husband and wife were then thought to be “joined at the heart.”

The tradition of diamond engagement rings began with the Italians. In Italy it was once believed that diamonds were derived from the “flames of love” and therefore clearly represented the bonds of everlasting love.

The first people to make use of rings for a romantic purpose were the French. In the sixteenth century Frenchmen presented the women they loved with what was known as gimmal rings. Gimmal rings were intertwined but were designed with a tiny slit in the gold. The purpose of the slit was that once a man proposed marriage and a woman accepted, each wore one of the rings during the period of engagement. On the wedding day during the ceremony, the groom would remove his ring and give it to the bride who would then wear the two rings together as one.

Diamonds are the most popular stone for an engagement ring. Their popularity began in the early 20^th century. It was once believed that the price for an engagement ring equated to two month’s of salary for the hopeful groom-to-be.

Those who cannot afford this should not let it distress them as there are plenty of simple styles of engagement rings today that are beautiful but have a more reasonable price tag. Some people decide to forego diamonds and choose another type of stone all together. Men who know their beloveds well will know how to choose a ring that she will adore.

Who says you need to have lots of money to have a beautiful wedding ceremony? If you are planning a church wedding but do not have the budget that you wish you had, read on for some suggestions for how to make the wedding as elegant as can be:

1. Stand in the church and look towards the front. Where is your attention focused on? Now think like your guests. The altar is where the guests will be concentrating because this is where the vows will be exchanged. It is essential that your hard-earned money be well spent. The flowers and decorations you choose to adorn the altar should be given top priority.

2. Hurricane lamps are a lovely choice for a fall or winter wedding. There are plenty of styles from which to choose and these lamps are relatively inexpensive. Choose glass hurricane lamps or brass lamps and decorate them in whatever way is most befitting for the ceremony!

3. Use tall candelabras at the church ceremony. Accent them with plenty of greenery. If you shop around, you will find lots of options when it comes to styles and designs. Your white candles will look very elegant and stunning in the candelabras, as they will lend themselves to making the church look more wondrous.

4. Some brides like to decorate every pew in the church. If you can find decorations that are within your budget to does this, then go ahead. If not, then here is a suggestion – consider decorating every second or third pew. Be as creative as you like. Standard options include bows, ribbons and greenery (and the hurricane lamps mentioned in number two).

5. Decide where your money would be most wisely spent. This often depends on the size of the church and how many guests you are expecting. You might want to forego decorating the pews and instead have flowers or candelabras at the entrance to the church and on the altar.

6. Before you buy decorations find out if the church has decorations that you can borrow for your wedding ceremony.

7. Real flowers are lovely but expensive. Therefore, you should keep flowers to a minimum. If you use real flowers, then have someone transport the flowers from the ceremony to the reception. Another option is to buy real looking artificial flowers.

When it comes to choosing flowers for your wedding, you can choose to take the fresh live flowers route or the artificial route. Both are equally good options. If you need to be as cost effective as possible, then only you can decide if fresh flowers are within your wedding budget.

If you decide to go with fresh flowers for the big day, then here are a few suggestions for choosing them:

-Do not go overboard with trying to match your flowers with your decorations, tablecloths for the reception or the dresses for the maid of honor and the bridesmaids. Staying within the correct color scheme, such as pink or lavend,er is one thing, but too much color coordination is almost impossible to do if you want to stay sane!

-Consider your budget and your style when you speak to your florist of choice. Most people understand the money crunch, and therefore the florist will do his or her best to find lovely flowers that suit both of these needs.

-Approximately half of the cost to make flower arrangements, bouquets and centerpieces is labor. The fancier and more elaborate ones you choose, the more you will pay. Instead opt for more basic and looser kinds of arrangements that will be more budget friendly.

-The “market buy” option is a good one to consider, if you do not mind buying your flowers at the last minute. How this works is that a florist will go to the “market” the day before your wedding is to take place and purchase the flowers you want. The good thing is that the flowers will be on special, and therefore you will receive a nice discount. This gives you money to put toward other aspects of your special day!

-If you do not want to go with the market buy option, then place the order for your flower arrangements but do not finalize the order until approximately three months before the wedding. The reason for this? Sometimes mitigating circumstances necessitate changes in plans. You do not want to spend your money and then have it go to waste. As well, you do not want to end up with flowers that are all wrong for your wedding.

Happy flower shopping!!